The monster that I am
by queencrestah
Summary: Half of my mind was aroused by his scent. Half of my mind was fighting it. The pleasure and the thirst fought within me. But he is Ian. I will not hurt him. (Wanda's POV. Oneshot. When Ian and Wanda fell in love at a different time and situation.)


Twilight-The Host Crossover

The Monster that I am

"Because you're not safe with me, Ian." I whispered, through almost-unmoving lips. I didn't dare look in his eyes. I knew I would only see pain. But he didn't say anything for a long time that I had to peek at his expression. I was right. His humanly beautiful face was hurt and confused.

"I mean… Ian, I…" Speechless.

"I don't understand, Wanda." He said.

"It's not like I have a choice, Ian. I _want _you to be safe with me. I just… I can't help being myself." I said, my eyes focused on my pale hands. I don't want this. I never asked for this.

People don't know the true meaning of immortality. I don't consider myself a person now. A 'creature' would be more fitting.

Beside me, I felt Ian's heart beat louder. "You're not… an assassin, are you?" he anxiously said. I heard myself laugh feebly. That would be infinitely better. A choice is what they have.

"No, Ian. I'm not a killer…" I trailed off, not sure if I said the truth. Am I not a killer?

He took my small face in his hands and looked at me through dazzling blue eyes. "Then tell me, Wanda. I think I deserve, at the very least, to know."

I have been dreading this conversation since we first met. But he is right. I have to tell him the truth, even if it costs me, him. I took a deep breath, one that I didn't really need, and launched on my tale.

"I'm not twenty years old. I'm older than your great-grandfather. I am, indeed, 350 years old. I… I look this way because I don't age. I'm stuck in this awful state. And more than that, I survive by feeding on other living things. Animals or humans. I drink their blood, Ian. I am what your kind love to write in books and portray in movies. I am a vampire, Ian. So you see? We can't be together. You. Are. Not. Safe. With. Me." The words came out in a rush. I can't feel Ian's breath until I finished talking. His hands slowly let go of my face… and he just stared out to nothingness for a while. I didn't talk. I would give him time. Enough time to run away from the monster that I am.

"You should be running away from me now." I bit my lip. I promised I would give him time.

"I know. My mind is screaming that order now, actually. But I can't. And… I won't." He turned to me and held my face fiercely in his hands, and the next thing I know was his lips were on mine. He never kissed me before. Well, I didn't let him.

But now my walls crumbled down. He was here. He didn't run away.

Half of my mind was aroused by his scent. Half of my mind was fighting it. The pleasure and the thirst fought within me. But he is Ian. I will not hurt him.

When he pulled away, he just stared into my eyes and said nothing.

"I… I could kill you in an instant. And it could all be just an accident. To think that that will take you away from me is unbearable, Ian."

He smiled a small smile. " I feel like I'm in a movie or something… But seriously though, I don't think I can run away from you anymore, Wanda. You're the one that has to leave if this is not working for both of us." Ian cheerfully said.

Of course that's an option. I could turn my back on someone special, just like what I've done to people in the past.

"I've already did that to almost everyone I know. I can't do that now." I sighed.

"So you see? Moot point, Wanda." He said matter-of-factly.

"Are you not bothered by how old I am?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Well… no. But after a couple of decades, don't you think that you'll be bothered by the creases in my face?" He asked back.

"Oh, do not be ridiculous, Ian." I said.

We both trailed off in our own thoughts for a while until he whispered, "Someday, this will not work, Wanda… I will get old and die. You won't."

I looked up at the night sky. The stars are diamonds to my eyes.

"If you want me to be with you, then I know that you know that there is a solution to this."He said, looking at me squarely in the eye.

So Ian wants me to change him. I looked at his beautiful blue eyes, the eyes that I once had when I was still human. I don't know what to say. Would I? Could I?

The questions hung in mid-air, unanswered.


End file.
